i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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