Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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