Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
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