I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
