it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
