So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
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