if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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