for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
