I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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