he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
