I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
