I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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