so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
