made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Say something about gay babies.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
