is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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