Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
