haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
