He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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