Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
