So drunk, too bad you don't want this
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
