How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
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