As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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