he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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