if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
