i think i have herpe
just one?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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