the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
