a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
