so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
