Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Randomize
