I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
