Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
