Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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