Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
