i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
