With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
