You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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