oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
