I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
