How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
