hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
How external is "for external use only"?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
We are all done wearing pants today
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
