three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
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