my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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