also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
