I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
