i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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