She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
