Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
