He uses pillows to masturbate.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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