talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
