There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
