Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
